So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
