I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's like God shit irony all over that family
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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