pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
