He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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