Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
