i dont even know how to be here
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
