We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
