that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
