people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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