my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
