I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
