I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The uberlube is also flammable
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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