Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
