I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
