that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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