i would punch a child for taco bell
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
