Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
