He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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