just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
