I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
