I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
