if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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