I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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