i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
