i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
