onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
