Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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