I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
