I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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