things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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