Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
