i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
