trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I believe in your delicious
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize