this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
