please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
