I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
