Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
