please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
