In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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