I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sorry about my life...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
