just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
