it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
