u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
