I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
