I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your penis caused this!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
