If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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