every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
