The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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