I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
