you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
