There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We need a shit load of segways right now
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
