I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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