Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
