when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just cropdusted the office
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
