Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
