There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
