What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
