took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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