You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
