I cockslap morals
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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