there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize