I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
