my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
