What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
