the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
