At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
