he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
