Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize