The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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