i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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