You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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