he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
