"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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