You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
