I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
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