I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
