I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize