ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
