He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
