Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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