pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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