Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
