hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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