There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
