mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
