I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
