I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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