Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
