Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
