I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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