Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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