i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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