I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
