My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize