I swear she didn't look like that last week.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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