No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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