I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
