I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
