It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
