At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
