If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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