he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he thought i was a dude.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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