So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
