All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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