You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize